One year, thirty-two books, and thousand uncertainties

Lee Youngsub
5 min readDec 26, 2021
The book you are reading is the state of your mind. Photograph: ukrgate.com

The book you read says a lot about what you are going through. Just as the music of the past brings us back in time to reminisce the fond or sometimes bittersweet memories, so do books. That’s the power of books.

I only started reading when COVID-19 put a pause to life. It made my mom happy, while it was also a feel-good factor to my already tepid life.

In 2021, I was blessed with a total of 32 books. And as I browsed through my loan history, I realised reading wasn’t just about fulfilling my mom’s insatiable greed or achieving eudaimonia. The books I read were a representation of the life problems I dealt with, at each and every juncture of 2021. From career and financial choices to nailing relationships and pondering social issues, I banked on to my new good friend, books, to deal with the burgeoning problems that at some point seemed too onerous, yet electrifying.

I began the year with ‘The Polymath’ which the author (Waqas Ahmed) insisted people are capable of reaching top-level at multiple domains of life. With just a semester to go before ripping the 16-year-long golden label, ‘student’, I had to make a choice (or at least I thought) whether the world needed a specialist or a generalist. As unrealistic as I am right now, my dreams were even more pioneering and progressive back then (Yes, it’s just January this year). Those bold dreams included safeguarding the young minds as an inspiring teacher, broadcasting the game we love as a sports commentator, a standup comedian, a professional referee, and so on. Waqas reinforced my bold ambitions, albeit the example he used in the book was mankind’s greatest genius Leonardo da Vinci.

My next few books portrayed the career choices fresh grads made in Korea — a strong interest I had since arriving in the peninsula — which only fueled my rather satirical eyes towards the place we live, at least for that moment. Having just moved to a new city for a job search, I was intrigued why most graduates at my age would prioritise security over aptitude, money over passion, etc. It became my problem when my 21-year-old sister came to a dinner table claiming she wants to be a “civil servant” — a choice she made with ‘job security’ being the top of her agenda. In a hope to better understand her and many peers of my age, I, again, sought to find the answers from books, with strong faith that passion trumps money and the society rewards our scrupulous sweats, for any other answers would have been unimaginably painful to believe.

It was Dale Carnegie’s ever-popular ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ that were next in my hands as I braced to come out of the cave to attend the academy that will see me facing industry professionals in football and 30 new pals for the next 15 weeks. Prior to that, I had no human interaction with people other than my family for up to six months — a cause for concern. All I needed was Dale’s best-selling book and I was an affable guy awkwardly forcing a wry smile at my peers in a wish to “win friends and influence people”.

The academy that lasted for four months shaped how I viewed life, or career choices at least. The industry professionals’ emphasis on sales and marketing has led me to Daniel H. Pink’s ‘To Sell Is Human’ (I’d have never imagined myself reading this), while Cal Newport’s ‘So Good They Can’t Ignore You’ followed. The words from the industry professionals strongly clashed with the interests I had in the field — governance, women’s football, youth development, and refereeing amongst all — yet were extremely difficult to ignore. They seemed like the black-and-white answer.

Cal and William MacAskill (who wrote ‘Doing Good Better’) left me scrambling in a murky place for the next few months. It seemed like they were seconding the academy professionals’ ideas. Cal avouched that a satisfying job is to ‘do what you are good at’ rather than ‘to do what you like’. In all likelihood, it felt like the world was pointing in a direction that I could not wholeheartedly devote myself to. I was left with million questions with obvious but unwanted answers only to be refuted in months to come.

A view from a park in the vicinity where a thousand uncertainties were tended to. Photograph: Author

Unfortunately, I never saw that coming. I never knew I would deny all that Cal insisted with a strong belief that my bread would come from a job that I could cry for with a pure passion. By the end of 15 weeks at the academy, I was an arduous proponent of ‘do what you are good at’ and tried to persuade my peers who once began this journey thinking we’d all head in the same and the right direction. Pity me.

Today, with just a week to go before the flip of the calendar, I am down to 20 pages of ‘Self-esteem class’, again, to seek answers to my self-esteem that has hit its lowest point just weeks back.

It’s jarring how I started the year with ‘fanciful dreams’ to ending it with the ‘lowest self-esteem’. But it represents growth, unyielding ambitions, and faith that even in 2022, I will still be reading — that I will still be believing.

It will be interesting to see what will be in my hands tomorrow when I begin the grand finale to a year like no other. But for all we know, it will always be the landmark of the last seven days of December 2021, for books represent how I am, at every juncture of my life, and it’d always be.

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Lee Youngsub
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“But dear listeners, some things are the same. They have two goalposts, just like we do…” (The Other Final. 2003)